| Star Trek, The Untold Stories!! | |
| These are the voyages.... | (The writers forgot about!!!) |
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| "The Captain's Honour" by Austin Reeves | |
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SCENE 1: Picard's cabin, Dr Crusher and Picard are having a Christmas Eve drink CRUSHER: (Hands Picard a wrapped gift) This is for you Jean Luc and I want you to open it now. PICARD: Why thank you Doctor! (unwraps gift) CRUSHER: (giggles) Do you like it? (Opens box, pulls out a pair of red speedo undies with a gaping hole in front, a piece of misstletoe is hanging from wire attached to the front of the undies) PICARD: What the hell is this? CRUSHER: Just go put it on Jean Luc. PICARD: I most certainly will not! That would be conduct unbecoming an officer and a gentleman! (Crosses the room and sits in Picard's lap, grabs his face and kisses him passionately) CRUSHER: (looking deep in his eyes) I assure you Jean Luc, I would be most grateful if you did, and I'm sure I can make you, oh, so grateful too, (kisses him again) PICARD: (blushing) Well...ahem...since you put it that way...ahh...we...I mean me, I guess it wouldn't hurt any... CRUSHER: Of course not! Now go try them on! (Crusher gets off his lap and Picard goes into next room, Crusher sits in her own chair with a devilish gleam in her eye. Picard emerges from the room wearing nothing but his birthday suit and the undies, his little soidier peeking out, ready to salute) PICARD: (looking extremely uncomfortable) I feel totally ridiculous!! CRUSHER: (staring at his now saluting soidier) Oh Jean Luc!! Ohhh..come here!! SCENE 2: The Bridge DATA: Sir, an unidentified vessel has entered sensor range and is approaching us at high warp. RIKER: Unidentified? Put it on screen. Hail them Leautenant. WORF: They are not answering our hail.......Sir! They're coming in weapons hot! RIKER: (as he leaps from the Captains seat) Shields up!! (The shields go up fast, but not fast enough. The ship rocks with the force of the blast! Lights flash warnings) RIKER: Red alert! (sirens flash)Worf! continue hailing that ship! Damage report! WORF: Shields are down to 83 percent and holding (another barrage hits the ship)...75 percent. DATA: Minor hull breach on deck 23, forcefields...are holding, damage control is on the way. RIKER: Any casualties? DATA: (checks readout) None, however, sickbay reports several injuries, among which.... RIKER: (slaps his combadge) Captain to the bridge! (no answer) DATA: As I was about to say, sickbay reports the Captain is there. RIKER: What?! (slaps combage again) Riker to sickbay! LaBRUN: Sickbay here, Ensign LaBrun sir. RIKER: Ensign! How is the Captain? LaBRUN: He's still in surgery sir. RIKER: Surgery?! What happened?? LaBRUN: (voice is uncomfortable) Well sir...you see...ahm... RIKER: I don't have all day Ensign! Spit it out! DATA: I have the report here sir, It appears that the captain had an accident in which his...penis was severed from his body. They are attempting to reattach the appendage now. RIKER: My God! (Riker feels the blood drain from his face) How did?...I mean, how...ah...nevermind,... Ensign! LaBRUN: Still here sir. RIKER: Have Dr. Crusher report to me as soon as the captain is out of danger. LaBRUN: Ahhm..I'm afraid that won't be possible sir, Dr. Crusher is in surgery as well.. RIKER: (concerned) Is she hurt bad? Was she near the hull breach? LaBRUN: Well no sir...you see sir...well....Commander Data, please??! DATA: It appears the doctor was with the captain at the time of the accident. RIKER: Was she attacked by whatever chopped...I mean, severed....? (He looks at Data expectantly) DATA: (puzzled) I am not certain, sir. The log entry is vague about actual cause, I would surmise, however, for medical reasons unbeknownst to me, the doctor took it upon herself to swallow the captains appendage. It then became lodged in her throat. I assume this was done to somehow preserve it, though... (small giggles rise on the bridge, Data tilts his head quizzically) RIKER: That's enough! (he looks around the bridge, and once again focuses on Data. Barely able to contain his own laughter, he smiles) It's okay Mr. Data, I think I have the picture. DATA: A picture? I was not aware the event had been recorded? I would like to see that...picture...as you put it? (Riker is no longer able to contain himself and bursts out laughing. Soon the entire bridge crew joins in, except Data, who is even more puzzled by their jocularity) | |
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